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Post by
336667
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
People never get musician jokes anymore... =(
I kinda understood it.
Just not the viola part.
http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/viola.html
Need I say more?
(Yes, that's the official MIT website).
Post by
GoGoGodzilla
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Queggy
Music jokes. <3
Being a musician, music jokes resonate with me.
Q. -
What's the difference between a saxaphone and a lawnmower?
A. -
You can tune up a mower.
:P
Post by
Arathian
WARNING!TEXT OF WALL OF JOKES HERE!
This things were actually said and recorded in USA courts:
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ^&*!ting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
I have some more but i will keep them for later:)
Post by
GoGoGodzilla
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1 to screw in the bulb, and 1000 others to claim how much better they could've done it.
Post by
mudfish
How do you get two oboes in tune? Shoot one.
Basically you can plug most of these in for any instrument.
No offense, but I
did
lol.
Post by
Queggy
Arathian - I lol'd in real life.
GoGoGodzilla - except for flutes of course.
:P
Post by
Arathian
i actually made queggy to lol?
............now i feel muuuuch better for myself:)
Post by
Queggy
:D
Post by
128491
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
GoGoGodzilla
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
225644
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
3DG4LIFE
How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1 to screw in the bulb, and 1000 others to claim how much better they could've done it.
How many tubas to do the same task?
3. One holds the bulb and two drink until the room spins.
How many schizophrenics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. 1 to get the Light bulb, 2 to get the chair, 4 to take out the other light bulb, and 6 to replace the old one.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let 'em cry in the dark.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A fish and a top hat.
Post by
Fathios
Music jokes. <3
Being a musician, music jokes resonate with me.
That guy wouldn't know an oboe from an elbow!
Hehe. Oboe. Elbow.
Hehe. Band humor.
Post by
Interest
There's a dollar in the middle of the room, and in the four corners stands Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time. Who gets the dollar?
The drummer with bad time because the other 3 don't exist.
Post by
vikey
There's a dollar in the middle of the room, and in the four corners stands Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time. Who gets the dollar?
The drummer with bad time because the other 3 don't exist.
HAHAHAHHAHA
Wait.....
Santa doesn't exist?
;*(
Post by
240135
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
What do you do if the band member can't play?
give them two sticks and put them in the back of the room.
What do you do if they still can't play?
take one away and put them in the front of the room.
What do you do with a bad drummer?
Take one stick away and make him/her a conductor.
What do you do with a bad conductor?
Put him/her in the tuba section, they'll take care of the rest.
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