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Family rows.

Post by pikeyboy

Last night I turned off a racist song played by my niece (16). Her mother objected, and left the house. I also pointed out that she's always moaning about "the Somalians" and "the Indians" and "Blacks", when she herself is an Irish migrant. This resulted in a silly row with my wife because I'd told off her sister.

They say awful things when I've stayed at theirs, but I kept my mouth shut, because it was their house. If I stayed with MyTie, for example, I'd refrain from profanities and taking the name of the lord in vain, out of respect for him, and leave religion and politics out of conversation.

Where do your boundaries lie?

Post by Squishalot

Realistically, if he started making you pray with him and wouldn't let you have 'devil music' in the house (MyTie - not suggesting anything! Just trying to find a similar analogy), you'd be perfectly entitled to leave if you didn't like his attitude to things, as was your sister-in-law.

That being said, I'm surprised your wife isn't more understanding of your position - I'd hope that she'd see fairly eye-to-eye with you.

Post by gamerunknown

I can't believe she's complaining... According to wiki, 95% of the country is white (if I got the right one: NI is 99% white).

Napkin math time. 5% of 4.24m is 212k. Which is fewer ethnic minorities than the two boroughs of London I went to secondary school in combined (St Mark's in Hounslow and Featherstone in Ealing ).

Edit: Looked at NI's demographics again. Apparently the largest ethnic minority group accounts for 0.4% of the population, with Indians accounting for 23% of that group. NI's population is just under 1.8m. Doing some creative accounting, that means there are 1800 Indians in Northern Ireland.

I went to school with a guy that went onto become a successful bhangra DJ. He now has 3k friends on facebook. He probably has more Indian friends on there than the entire Indian population of Northern Ireland.

Post by ElhonnaDS

I understand what a hard position it is to be in, to have family members who say things that you find deeply offensive, but not being sure how to approach the situation because it's family. There are a number of members of my family who don't have the most enlightened attitude about other ethnicities, and I grew up hearing the jokes and such. When you deal with people who, from a young age, have been authority figures, and you then get old enough to know you have a real problem with some of the things they say or believe, it can be hard to know how to approach.

When I was younger, I used to get into debates, but it never really went anywhere. Now, I mostly just ignore them because it's never going to change and all it does is cause family stress. Luckily the ideas have pretty much been eradicated in my generation, and none of us have let it influence who we dated or married. And, I will say that having watched us and spent time with my siblings non-white significant others, and loved my nephew who is mixed ethnicity, most of the older generation has seemed to come around some on their prejudices.

Post by MyTie

If I stayed with MyTie, for example, I'd refrain from profanities and taking the name of the lord in vain, out of respect for him, and leave religion and politics out of conversation.

It's considered poor taste to visit my house and not talk about politics and religion.

To answer the question, my wife and I form a complete and unified front against everyone. We stand together on every issue. If she has a problem with part of my family, then I have a problem with part of my family. If she has an intolerable friend I never want to see again, then I never have to worry about seeing that person again.

We think alike. We act alike. We talk alike. That's my house. We don't allow drugs, nor violence, nor laziness. Most other things are ok, though.

Post by gnomerdon

she's only 16. i would have given her time, she'll change. i have a 16 year old niece. she's only a baby child to me. irl, im not one to stir up anything that'll make another feel uncomfortable, so i wouldn't know what to do in ur situation. but i guess, if ur convictions were strong and you felt like you were doing the right thing, then u probably did and should stand strong.

Post by pikeyboy

Post by MyTie

I don't do drugs, violence or lazy. Would it be OK if I found walking the land, helping with the cooking, entertaining the kids with stories, and chatting with your family and neighbours, more pleasant than discussing politics and religion?

Religion and politics are common topics in my house. You'd have to make an active effort to avoid conversation if you didn't want to discuss them. Religion is an intricate part of life in my house. If you don't find that pleasant, then you probably wouldn't enjoy your stay here. This is a house for God. Not talking about God in it is like going to a zoo and not talking about animals, or going to a football stadium and not talking about football, or visiting a museum and not talking about the past.

That said, the conversation would be pleasant. No one would attack you for your beliefs. We have a very relaxed lifestyle, and a very quiet house. This is a place of comfort.

Family rows.

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