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Post by
Deepthought
Snipe.
E: Muahaahuahauhaha.
Post by
571648
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Neffy
Is this a virus?
Oh, sry, i really shouldnt do that so often :P
MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
What does that mean? :(
Found you.
Post by
Dhazy
All your grammar are belong to us?
War was spaghetti.
Post by
571648
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
All your grammar are belong to us?
War was spaghetti.
Gasp.
Post by
cheezedood21
If anyone wants to read this and give me some criticism, I'm open to them. :)There's someone I would you to meet. His name is Paul, and he is story is quite interesting.
He was enjoying his mug of coffee in the little abode he called home in southern Virginia, when he heard the 'ding ding dong dong' of his doorbell. Comfortably relaxing in the small study of the house, he was sitting on his beloved 'mini-couch' pressed up against a small wall and reading. He had finally gotten a day off from work, and he fought the thought of getting up to answer the door. Paul, with a look in his eyes saying, 'I
really
don't want to get up right now,' set down his book upon the miniature couch, bending it in half, making his way to the garage door. He felt proud wearing his 'I Love CoCo' t-shirt in front of people. It made him feel somewhat satisfied that he might one day get that, 'oh my goodness, me too!' comment that he anticipated. Calmly approaching the door, he noticed that the men standing behind it were in their early thirties, wearing glasses, and dressed in average attire, as if they had just come from a picnic. One of them had pale-white skin and the other a bit tan. Paul opened the door and noticed that there was also a man dressed in a suit, equipped with an earpiece, and wearing sunglasses standing by their vehicle with his arms folded.
"Is there something I can help you with?" Paul asked the men. "Yes..." the paler man exclaimed as he looked at his clipboard. "We've actually been sent by the company Siphlim to escort you to the building. There are some papers and forms that the company needs you to sign, Paul." "Why?" Paul asked. "... We'll tell you on the way there; it's about an hour away," the pale man said. "No, tell me now. I'm not going anywhere unless I know the reason," said Paul.
"..."
"Well? This is ridiculous; I'm not going anywhere!" spouted Paul as he attempted to close the door, only to be stopped. "You are required by law to come with us," the pale man barked.
The tanner man suddenly whipped out a paper a thick piece of paper littered with little writing, but in big, bold cursive, the top of the page read:
By the word of the Governor of Virginia, Timothy Vanderbilt, Paul Stevens is required by law to be summoned to the Siphlim Co. headquarters by August 2nd, 2008.
It had the Governor's signature and even his seal. "This is... this is outrageous..." Paul said, trying to wrap his mind around the situation. "Come now, we're wasting time," the paler man exclaimed. Paul paused for a few moments. He
really
just wanted to sit and read today, maybe even watch some television; it was his day off for Pete's sake. Couldn't he be allowed to be lazy for just one day? Suddenly, the man near the vehicle looked straight at him. You could just imagine steam exerting from his nostrils, as he walked towards Paul and closed the door behind him. He appeared as if he was just going to pick Paul up and throw him into the car. '
I don't seem to have a choice here,
Paul thought to himself. '
Even if they're tricking me, I don't know if I could take on that bodyguard...
'
He hesitantly walked toward the large, white van which only had driver and passenger-side windows, displaying the words: '
SIPHLIM
,' in big, dark blue letters across the side of it. It was actually quite different than he had anticipated. The van appeared to simply be a large vehicle with various items in back that were being transported, but it had finely-finished, beige-colored leather seats, a soft, blue rug underneath, and various electronic devices with a large plasma TV. Paul's mouth had been left open in amazement, as he sat down behind the passenger's seat. Paul let out a deep sigh as they drove past all the neighboring houses. He leaned in toward the front of the car, peering out the passenger-side window, watching his neighbors play with their children as they made their way out the gates of the housing development.
He was defiant on accompanying the two men, but at least he could watch 'Man vs Wild' in stunning HD clarity.
Post by
571648
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
My eyes.
Post by
571648
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
Is really that bad? (or good?)
No. I've just read so many walls of text over the last few days.
Post by
cheezedood21
You wrote this? %^&* dude this is awesome! Continue!Seriously?
I only had a general plot idea together, but if you like it, I guess I could continue it. :D
Post by
571648
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Haxzor
I WANNA READ IT BUT I DONT WANT TO!
*damn* wall of text....
trying to weasel around the profanity filter, pretty sure it's a bannable offence(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##Kangi##DELIM##
Post by
260787
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
260787
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Interest
I WANNA READ IT BUT I DONT WANT TO!
*damn* wall of text....
trying to weasel around the profanity filter, pretty sure it's a bannable offence
Nah. Usually results in post deletion.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##Kangi##DELIM##You guys are making it harder for me when you keep quoting it. =(
Post by
571648
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
cheezedood21
Vocabulary:
It can be better. In the very first sentence, there's already 2 mistakes which was enough to already lower my interest in your story. Also, I don't think you know how to use the word
exclaimed
. It's used to imply a sense of suddenness or surprise with strong emotions. Saying that the one agent
exclaimed
with a
'. . .'
definiatly doesn't flow well.
Content:
The story itself was mediocre, decent at best. There was nothing really keeping me wanting to read on. I read it for the sole purpose of criticizing it, not actual interest.Thank you for the critique. I know I'm not very good at this kind of thing, and I'm trying to get better at it.
Post by
Interest
Must...keep...making this longer.
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