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QOTD Thread #332- Do you think that people should keep cats outdoors?
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Post by
ElhonnaDS
I have been cheated on before, and it hurts more to let go than you might think. It has nothing to do with not loving them, it has to do with not feeling loved. I tried to forgive him and stayed with him for a year and every minute of everyday was just "why doesn't he love me, why I am I not good enough" and so on, and I would often actually ask him which would just lead to fights.
For me there is no reason to stay after someone has cheated, none what so ever.
Everyone is different though.
I would have to agree with Elura. It's not that I would necessarily hate them, but I wouldn't trust that they loved me after that, and why would I want to be with someone who is pretending to love me. Or at best loves me in a way that is selfish and only about what I add to their lives and has no respect for the commitments they'd made to me or my feelings. I would end things.
My own answer btw is that it would be just as upsetting either way. The reason this came up is that someone else told me they'd be less upset if it was with the same gender than the opposite, because it's less of an insult (in their eyes) to have someone want the other gender, because it's not like they were considered to be doing something wrong.
Post by
Skreeran
Mmm, I suppose I can't speak from personal experience, and without having experience to go on, I really can't know what I'd do. But I know that if I were to cheat on someone, it would most likely be a mistake made by confusion, or an emotional need left unsatisfied, but with my overall disposition being a desire to stay with my partner (seeing as I haven't left them). Were I discovered, I would probably be ashamed and would want to talk about it (or announce my intentions to leave). I'm basing my hypothetical reaction to being cheated upon on an attempt to empathize with my hypothetical significant other and understand why they did what they did, what they want, and how they feel.
Again, I haven't had very many romantic relationships, and none that I can actually call "loving" (assuming the same emotion I feel for my mother, but in a romantic and sexual light), so I can only postulate how I would feel or react, and have no way of knowing or calculating exactly what I would feel (since emotions are much more fluid and hard to predict than just "what I think I would feel.")
Another thing to consider is that I may be too passive. Males traditionally take the active, aggressive role, rather than trying to be more supportive and empathetic, at least based on my own perceptions and their role in the media. I don't know if my desire to be primarily comforting and empathetic to someone I love is normal, or if I should be more assertive and protective of my own needs and desires.
Post by
asakawa
I was with someone for a year once when they started seeing someone else. It wasn't a situation where we were to continue being a couple though - discovering the infidelity was the end of our relationship. It hurt but I knew the relationship was over. If it had been another woman I would honestly have felt better about myself. I would still have been pretty miserable (as I was for several months at the time) but if homosexuality was involved then one can feel more compassion for difficult, possibly shameful, feelings which make the "it's not you, it's me" line actually carry some weight.
Nothing would make it a good situation but, honestly, it would be easier.
Post by
Skreeran
So, on a related note to what I was talking about earlier, it turns out my parents made plans to split up today. That's not related to cheating really, but just wanted to mention it to someone.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
I'm sorry Skreeran- I'm sure that even under the most amiable of circumstances, that can be really stressful on you, and your parents will likely need you for emotional support as well. Good luck.
Post by
Skreeran
Yep. My dad and I nearly got into a fistfight yesterday because I intervened when he started shoving my sister around. The last straw for my mom was when he smacked my littlest brother when he didn't get out of the way fast enough.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
Well it sounds like she'd making a good decision for herself and you and your siblings, then, so hopefully even if it's difficult right now, it'll lead to better things.
Post by
Skreeran
I certainly hope so. I appreciate the support as well.
Post by
Squishalot
I was with someone for a year once when they started seeing someone else. It wasn't a situation where we were to continue being a couple though - discovering the infidelity was the end of our relationship. It hurt but I knew the relationship was over. If it had been another woman I would honestly have felt better about myself. I would still have been pretty miserable (as I was for several months at the time) but if homosexuality was involved then one can feel more compassion for difficult, possibly shameful, feelings which make the "it's not you, it's me" line actually carry some weight.
Nothing would make it a good situation but, honestly, it would be easier.
This, pretty much, except that it was almost 3 years.
So, on a related note to what I was talking about earlier, it turns out my parents made plans to split up today. That's not related to cheating really, but just wanted to mention it to someone.
Damn... take it easy, and feel free to vent out here if you need.
Post by
Skreeran
So I'm not sure where my parents are at emotionally right now. My Dad's trying to make up and says he doesn't mean his hurtful words, but I still don't think their relationship is really loving. Naturally, it'd be difficult for my mom to push him away and prolong the conflict, because having him try to be nice and repentant is easier than getting him angry and yelling again. Honestly, I don't know what she should do. Perhaps it's just my temper, but considering this isn't the first time he's gotten angry and violent, it doesn't seem good for the kids, and having him be so verbally cruel to my mom when they fight isn't good for her.
Now I know it probably really isn't any of my business getting involved in their relationship. She is a grown woman and can make her own decisions. But perhaps it's just my ego, but I feel like she's going to look to me, even subconsciously, for guidance. I feel she's going to try to do whatever I thinks she
should
do, whether that means sticking to her guns and going through with it, or sticking around and taking it via the path of least resistance.
Were I advising someone in my position, I would tell them to let her make her own decision. To not try and influence it either way, because putting the weight of that decision on myself only puts more emotional strain on myself, which I shouldn't have to bear. I'd say that this is their relationship, and I should wait until it's my own difficult patches with my future SO to start letting things like this wear on me.
But really, I can't detach myself from it. Whether I want it or not, I have the capability of influencing this situation, and in the words of Rush, "if I choose not to decide, I still have made a choice" that I will bear the weight of, whether it works out positively or negatively.
It's like in Mass Effect, if you had the choice to save one of two people, and if you save either, you'll feel the weight of letting the other die. But if there was a third option of just letting it play out, you would still feel responsible for anyone that died, because in the end, what happened happened because of your choice or action or inaction.
Post by
Rankkor
So, on a related note to what I was talking about earlier, it turns out my parents made plans to split up today. That's not related to cheating really, but just wanted to mention it to someone.
Yep. My dad and I nearly got into a fistfight yesterday because I intervened when he started shoving my sister around. The last straw for my mom was when he smacked my littlest brother when he didn't get out of the way fast enough.
awww man :S jesuschrist, I'm so sorry to hear that.
If you ever need to talk about it, or just get something out of your chest, be it in vent or email, you know where to find me bro'.
/man-hug
Post by
Jubilee
I'm sorry, Skreeran. I wish I could help make things better for you and your family.
At least if Rankkor's man-hug wasn't enough here's a /girl-hug to back it up :)
Post by
asakawa
At least if Rankkor's man-hug wasn't enough here's a /girl-hug to back it up :)
And I can offer a very British stiff-upper-lipped clap on the shoulder.
Post by
OverZealous
The polar bears send their regards as well, Skree
Post by
Skreeran
Lol you guys.
Post by
gamerunknown
Ouch, man. Hope it all works out.
When I saw this question, I Immediately though Dagney Taggart from Atlas Shrugged.
I actually considered her too. Appropriately, given today's question...
She wasn't too big on the whole fidelity thing.
312. Gracina Spiritmight if I can't keep her as my fictional roommate, or Jenny Sparks if I can.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
#314- What video game franchise is due for a comeback?
Post by
Adamsm
#314- What video game franchise is due for a comeback?
1. Wild ARMS
2. Xenogears(as in, release the real game not the slapped together thing that happened)
3. Digimon(on a console not a hand held)
4. Monster Rancher(again console not hand held)
5. Suikoden
6. Timesplitters
7. World of Mana
9. Update to Secret of Evermore
10. Super Mario RPG
Post by
Rankkor
You used my question! yay! =D
I'd say Jade Empire, Chrono Trigger, Dragon Quest, and Hexen.
Post by
Interest
10. Super Mario RPG
I. Wish. Too bad Nintendo is obsessed with all the Mario RPGs that spawned off this.#314- What video game franchise is due for a comeback?
Golden Sun
Chrono Trigger
Lunar (Eternal Blue SPECIFICALLY could use a remake)
Super Mario Land (the GB one...) Wario GB equivalent could use one too.
Lufia (and the Fortress of Doom - also a JRPG remake version of Rise of the Sinistrals please kthxbye)
Advance Wars (something like Days of Ruin please)
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