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QOTD Thread #332- Do you think that people should keep cats outdoors?
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Post by
Haxzor
Rinoa from FF8 or Dagger from FF9
Post by
240140
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
#313- If your significant other cheated on you, would it make a difference in how upset you were whether the other person was the same or a different gender than you were?
This question is courtesy of an FML I read yesterday, and the responses it got.
Post by
Interest
I'd be about as upset, really. Can we stop with the SO questions now? I feel like I'm getting shoehorned into going hypothetical for the sake of the fact the concept of SO doesn't exist in my life.
Post by
asakawa
I do see a (small but) significant difference between being cheated on with someone of the same or different gender. If one's SO cheats then this is indicative of a need being unfulfilled within the relationship - whether this is physical or emotional doesn't really matter. If your SO cheats with someone of the opposite gender then it could be said that their unfulfilled need is beyond your ability to provide. This, perhaps, makes the insult less intense as it doesn't necessarily suggest something lacking in yourself.
This, of course, doesn't lessen the breaking of trust that has (/may have - all relationships are different) occurred and may or may not have an effect on how the relationship moves on from that point. Being able to discuss the issue without that intense insult and defensiveness could make a major difference on how the relationship develops going forward.
(@Interest - my answer is hypothetical despite being married. In my own relationship I have no idea how I would react. It would depend a lot on the specifics).(##RESPBREAK##)16##DELIM##asakawa##DELIM##
Post by
OverZealous
No. Cheating is cheating; gender matters less. Obviously, if my hypothetical SO cheated on me with another woman, I might come to the conclusion that she is no longer attracted to men, in which case there'd be an awkward discussion lined up.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
@Interest- I'm sorry if you're feeling shoehorned, but there are some days that we skip a new QOTD because I can't think of anything to ask at all (I'm not sure if you noticed). If you have suggestions about questions, then please send them to me because I'm running dry. As it was, I did get a number of non-SO questions in this week too.
Post by
Interest
@Interest- I'm sorry if you're feeling shoehorned, but there are some days that we skip a new QOTD because I can't think of anything to ask at all (I'm not sure if you noticed). If you have suggestions about questions, then please send them to me because I'm running dry. As it was, I did get a number of non-SO questions in this week too.
Alright, alright...
Post by
Patty
No. Cheating is cheating; gender matters less. Obviously, if my hypothetical SO cheated on me with another woman, I might come to the conclusion that she is no longer attracted to men, in which case there'd be an awkward discussion lined up.
Just clarifying that attraction isn't a binary straight/gay thing. :p
But yeah, my hypothetical would be that gender doesn't really make a difference - cheating is always a massive betrayal of trust, so. I see why some might think it takes an edge off by it being with someone when you physically cannot satisfy your SO's needs, but if that's the case then why not be honest about that in the first place than cheat? The dishonesty doesn't change, regardless of gender.
Post by
Rankkor
Cheating is cheating, the betrayal would not be heightened or lessened if it happened with another man or another woman or anything in between. I'd still feel as hurt, and as backstabbed.
Now, whether this would mean the end of the relationship, that's something else. Depending on A LOT of variables and circumstances, I can be willing to give them a second (and only) chance at rebuilding the relationship, but I wont be played a sucker again, if another cheating happens after that, its go time.
But no, the gender of the person would not matter to me at all, nor their age, or anything at all.
Post by
Skreeran
I'd give her a high five.
Wait.
I guess that would be clapping.
Post by
Trollfucious
Trollfucious finds the ongoing comedic saga of Skreeran dating his hand to be very funny, and he finds all of these jokes to be very witty. Trollfucious would like to make dating his hand jokes, but he would get embarrassed to tell dirty jokes, and so he tells jokes about Trollfucia instead.
Trollfucia joke- Which political party can never be elected in Trollfucia?
Answer:
The Lemon Party
WARNING WARNING DO NOT PUT THAT INTO THE GOOGLE IT IS SCARY FOR EVEN PEOPLE WHO DO NOT FEAR LEMONS
EDIT: Oops- Trollfucious forgot to answer the honorable moderator's question. He would not see a difference if they were a man or a woman, because his heart would be broken all to little pieces either way :(
Post by
Jubilee
The thing is, I think I would almost be okay with my significant other having sex with a man if she were bisexual and we lengthy discussions about it. It's never been an issue, but I feel that if I cannot fulfill all her sexual needs I would be remiss to hold her captive sexually. So if she did cheat on me with a man, the cheating would still hurt, but I see that issue as being ultimately more resolvable than if she cheated on me with another woman.
Post by
240140
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Skreeran
I wouldn't forgive it either way, but I think if it was with a man it would be easier to get over my SO.
I'm a horrible person but I can't see myself with a guy or a girl that has been with guys <.<
I just hate men.
D:
Post by
lonewolfe31705
Either way, she would be gone. Once a cheater always a cheater.
Post by
gnomerdon
there are consequences to cheating...
like, me punching a tree, or doing donuts on my car... and even worst, i will change my diet and perspective.
Post by
UnholyDeciever
Either way, she would be gone. Once a cheater always a cheater.
Agreed, regardless of the sex your SO cheated on you with doesn't matter. They still cheated and I would never take a cheater back and if I happened to cheat(which I have never done) I would hope they would not take me back either.
Post by
Skreeran
On a more serious note than my last post, I don't think I would be so vindictive about it. Nobody's perfect, and I make mistakes myself, and part of actually experiencing love is forgiving (or trying to forgive) the faults of the one you love. Yes, if I had a significant other and they cheated on me, I would be hurt, but if they are genuinely sorry for it and you can't forgive them, I would say that you loved them less as a person and more as a piece of property to be owned.
There are exceptions and extremes, of course, but I think really loving someone means being gentle and kind to them, in spite of their flaws and mistakes. My parents claim to love each other, and they'll play the act and make all the token gestures to express "love," but when they fight they really stab at each other with the most hurtful and cruel things they can think of, and will hold grudges against each other for a long time.
Between myself and my mom, it's much different. We hardly ever try to hurt each other, and when we make mistakes, we forgive each other. It's a much more supportive and intimate relationship, I think, than she shares with my father (even though, and let me be clear about this, I don't want to have sex with my mother). And that is what I model real love on: a relationship based on trust and forgiveness and kindness.
Clearly someone who cheats is betraying your trust, but were it to happen to me, I'd like to think that while I would be hurt, I would not try to hurt them in return, but instead look at them as another imperfect human, and try to reach out and talk it over. If they wanted to end it, and if they weren't happy with me, I would not begrudge them, but I would begin looking elsewhere for that love that I needed. But if they seemed genuinely sorry, or confused, or hurt somehow, I would do my best to forgive them and try to give them what they needed.
Post by
240140
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
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