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QOTD Thread #332- Do you think that people should keep cats outdoors?
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Post by
ElhonnaDS
It strikes me as a rather nonsensical question today. If one feels that one is in a position to rate someone's performance in bed then they likely aren't the slightest bit significant. Sex, in a relationship, is a dialogue not a performance and if one feels unfulfilled then at least half the problem is with oneself.
I think that even in a dialogue, there are some people who put more into their statements than others, or some statements that will resonate with certain people more than others.
Some people are more creative than others, some have more or less inhibitions than others, and different people have different things that they find contribute to a better time all around. It's pretty reasonable to be in love with someone who is awkward or shy about such things, or who has specific quirks that are distracting during such activities. It is also pretty reasonable that someone could find that their partner has surprised them in a number of ways, and maybe opened up their own horizons.
It's kind of a silly question, just meant to be funny, but I don't think it's a nonsensical one.
@Tush- since you've said already you were 16, then that is exactly what this thread is about. It's about how well you sleep at night.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##
Post by
Thror
I find it somewhat difficult to imagine a mindset under which someone would rate their significant other with less than 10.
Post by
asakawa
I find it somewhat difficult to imagine a mindset under which someone would rate their significant other with less than 10.
Yeah I guess this is what I'm getting at. In a significant relationship, if you would rate them less than 10 then it's your own fault, I think.
Sorry to call it nonsensical. I didn't mean to criticise your choice of question El, more the mindset (that does exist) where people might actually rate their partners.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
It might be more of a female thing? From my experience, my female friends and I have not equated how strong a relationship is with how good that particular aspect of it is. We often will love our SO's, and think the relationship is going well, but will seek solace about the specific things in that arena which might not be so great, or giggle over the specific things in that arena that are really great. In my experience, they're usually treated as two separate things. If it's an attitude thing, or a lack of putting in any effort, then that's something that might be indicative of the health of a relationship as a whole. But I think biologically it's a lot more common/easy for the necessary buttons to just not get pushed, even when the other person is trying and being given direction, for a woman than for a man. In my experience with groups of women in college and beyond, this is not an uncommon type of discussion.
Which is ironic, since stereotypes would dictate than men discussed these things more.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##
Post by
Thror
I didn't want to say it out loud, but that was exactly what came to my mind too. I have witnessed girls evaluating the performance of their partners, but I haven't really had that sort of experience with my male friends. It's usually just:
"Did you do it?"
"Yuup, about X-many times."
*high five*
Or something along those lines.
I figured an analogy I used to tell occasionally could explain the situation here.
In bed "playing a woman" (hitting all the right buttons), difficulty wise, could be compared to playing
the accordion
.
On the contrary, "playing a man" could be compared to, eh, playing a
vuvuzela
.
Take it with a grain of salt, it is meant to be both humorous and somewhat accurate.
I can imagine quite well a conversation among accordions, about how the correct buttons were not hit. But among vuvuzelas? :V
If there is something
special
that really turns a man on and that their SO's can do to them, it is usually some obscure perversity that they are not comfortable sharing anyway.
Post by
240140
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
1069282
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
asakawa
It might be more of a female thing? From my experience, my female friends and I have not equated how strong a relationship is with how good that particular aspect of it is.
That's not really what I'm getting at either. More that, having a fulfilling sex life isn't a passive thing - they're not very good at that but, oh well, they make good cakes - but an active thing. If you are not satisfied then you're not effectively communicating... or you are and your partner doesn't care... which doesn't say much for the relationship.(##RESPBREAK##)16##DELIM##asakawa##DELIM##
Post by
Thror
Good for you to have it like that, asakawa, but rest assured that there are lots of men who either don't care, or don't even realize they should care, or who, even if told exactly what they should do, just somehow botch it up. I would actually say that applies to the majority of specimen of our gender. And they do have relationships.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
It might be more of a female thing? From my experience, my female friends and I have not equated how strong a relationship is with how good that particular aspect of it is.
That's not really what I'm getting at either. More that, having a fulfilling sex life isn't a passive thing - they're not very good at that but, oh well, they make good cakes - but an active thing. If you are not satisfied then you're not effectively communicating... or you are and your partner doesn't care... which doesn't say much for the relationship.
Currently, I have no issues at all- he could teach classes. But as a female, having tried to communicate in previous situations, and not being successful, I am telling you that it is not always as simple as you seem to think. I don't care how into it your partner is, they will not be successful if all they are doing is massaging your ankle. And for females, the difference between an ankle and a button, so to speak, can be very slight. There are some guys who are able to understand that, and some who just don't seem to get it. On top of that, a substantial number of men get very frustrated/embarrassed by a woman who tries to micro-manage- they feel like it's demeaning or emasculating. And then that can kill it as much as just not getting anything out of it.
I understand that for a guy who has no issues understanding what to do it can be really weird that there seem to be men who just don't get it- I have heard similar sentiments from my own fiancee, since he and I communicate fabulously about such things. But it's definitely a quite common phenomenon that a man just doesn't understand what he's doing wrong with a female partner, even when they are otherwise emotionally involved and attentive, and still very excited about the activity. Many women will take a dependable, loving, intellectually engaging partner who necessitates the keeping of "personal stash" than throw that away looking for someone with better hand-eye coordination. Especially since it seems to not be an uncommon situation.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##
Post by
Jubilee
Nothing at the moment, but this is everyone from first to last.
4 (high school lol), 7, 7, 6, 9
Post by
asakawa
Hmm, well, this subject is the epitome of subjects where I have only my own experience to go on so I will bow to others' views that it's not as simple as I'm making out. My guess, then, is that offering a good experience probably comes from enjoying the giving (without focusing on receiving) and maybe I'm missing the fact that enjoying someone else's enjoyment isn't a given.
Still, in a significant relationship, not everybody just wants to make their partner ecstatically, screamingly, excruciatingly happy? That's crazy (and sad).
Post by
Jubilee
I think there are a lot of things involved. You need experience, technical skill, passion, stamina, and so on. Different people have different amounts of all of those, making every person a unique encounter, and sometimes it's just not up to par. But that's okay in some relationships. Sex isn't always the only thing that carries a couple.
Post by
Rystrave
My SO in really attentative and sensual about everything he does. I give him a 9, because no one is perfect :D
Post by
Skreeran
Eh, 8/10. Rarely let's me down, though occasionally is too tired to perform. Still, a keeper.
<3 Ol' Righty
Post by
Adamsm
Lol.
Post by
1069282
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
MyTie
I think it is disrespectful to discuss someone's sexual performance with other people, especially if they don't know, and especially if you consider them someone you love.
Post by
Skreeran
I think it is disrespectful to discuss someone's sexual performance with other people, especially if they don't know, and especially if you consider them someone you love.I sorta agree.
But I'm only rating my hand.
Post by
Monday
@Tush- since you've said already you were 16, then that is exactly what this thread is about. It's about how well you sleep at night.
This just made my day. Thanks, Elhonna.
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