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QOTD Thread #332- Do you think that people should keep cats outdoors?
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Post by
Adamsm
#147 (Since I'll let Rank's stand)- How long do you wait for a call after the first date before you decide they've blown you off. Or, if you called, how long do they have to call you back before you write them off?
Since I met my girlfriend online, we were chatting by email for quite a while before the first date heh; so not very long.
Post by
gnomerdon
it's no longer calling. it's texting.
and yes, the men always have to call first.
Post by
240140
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Rystrave
I don't remember the last time I went on a first date. Most of my dates have been people I know, not with complete strangers. I've had pretty steady relationships throughout my dating time.
Post by
Rankkor
Sorry kids- crazy weekend.
Sounds like quite the story :P
#147 (Since I'll let Rank's stand)
o_O it was a joke xD
- How long do you wait for a call after the first date before you decide they've blown you off. Or, if you called, how long do they have to call you back before you write them off?
No idea, I've never really been "dating". I met Reina, fell in love with her, once I was released from Sabaneta I started assisting to her church, became friends, asked her to dinner once, blurted out everything I really felt for her, and we've more or less become inseparable since then.
So I've never really casually dated someone to get to know them and see if there was any sort of connection to form a relationship.
Having said that, knowing myself, if I had casually dated someone to get to know them, I'd be torn up inside, kinda like this: "I gotta call her........... no wait, its too soon, I don't wanna be a bother, or look desperate, or look clingy, gotta wait.............. but how long should I wait............... I'll just call her say hi and hang up............ no wait, that's even worse......."
it would not be a pretty sight T_T
Post by
Interest
Sorry kids- crazy weekend.
#147 (Since I'll let Rank's stand)- How long do you wait for a call after the first date before you decide they've blown you off. Or, if you called, how long do they have to call you back before you write them off?
1 day.
Post by
Patty
I'm not really sure but I didn't even realise it was an issue. I wouldn't want to sit there with a timer like "THEY HAVE TEN SECONDS TO RESPOND BEFORE THEY BREAK MY HEART AND I TELL THEM THEY COULD'VE HAD IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL" tbh because
I'm not that desperate
that's just not me at all. I'm not that bothered about a lack of human contact really so idk.
Post by
FatalHeaven
Honestly never been in the position to 'wait.'
In highschool I only dated three people. One who I had been with since middle school. One in the summer between frosh and soph year. And one during the end of sophmore year. All were already my classmates/friends. We already talked on the phone so it wasn't like this huge change. Well the first one wasn't really my friend first. I'd just moved to the town and it had been about a week, I'd found a 'clique' as you'd say but I decided I needed a boyfriend to finally 'fit in' and not be just the new kid anymore. Last guy I ever dated. Still an extremely good friend of mine too. For him, I passed a 'check yes or no' note to him in choir. He checked yes. :-)~ And starting that day we were inseperable. He is probably the most honest, good, amazing guy I know.
The other two were girls, the first had moved away but we stayed in contact via email/chat and ended up dating. The other was a long time friend. Not a lot of phone calls to her. Most communication was done at school. Can't avoid someone you have classes with lol.
And then theres my current. Met online and had given her my number the night before, telling her no rush. Well I woke up the next day to her on the phone. It was a long two months of 8+ hours a day spent on the phone with each other before we met in person.
I don't think it matters who calls who first. As long as someone calls. Telling a guy/girl they are needy for calling too soon is dumb. They like you; you like them...deal with it.
Needy <----Calling Too Soon || Waiting To Call----> ^&*!@#
No one wins in that situation.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
I don't think it's needy to call very soon- I think it's cute. But I know some people do, and so some other people agonize over how soon is too soon. I also know that some people don't take a hint after 2-3 weeks of not being called. I was just wondering where the cutoff was for most people. When do you feel like it's a safe bet they're not going to call, or will only call if bored but aren't really interested? Do you worry about calling too soon?
Post by
Thror
I have always used some kind of online communication with the girls I dated with, so this is totally not an issue.
Post by
donnymurph
I don't do traditional dating, but I'd say 3 weekdays.
Post by
pioneers14
#147 (Since I'll let Rank's stand)- How long do you wait for a call after the first date before you decide they've blown you off. Or, if you called, how long do they have to call you back before you write them off?
I've never really been in that situation. The last couple guys I dated seriously were all guys I had known for a long time before things even went to a romantic level. In fact, one was my neighbor and so I would just walk down the street and we would hang out. It was a very "Wonder Years" kind of relationship, lol.
But that's all in the past now and I am happily married!
Post by
134377
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Skithus
I'll preface this by saying that my view on the following is both extremely limited and also likely incredibly unorthodox, I have an incredibly low tolerance for the dating "meta game."
I'll also assume that your goal is a long-term relationship, otherwise I recommend lube and or a prostitute of the opposite sex (or same, whatever floats your boat), it'll save you a headache, and probably money.
So, given that your goal for dating is to find someone to enter into a long term relationship with, I think it reasonable to expect communication following the first date to be initiated by one or both parties within 2 business days. Its really not a difficult idea, you've gone on a date, there are only 3 outcomes.
1) You're not really into them - Solution, do not call/ if they call you, either don't answer or inform them of your feelings, depending on your level of comfort.
2) You're not really sure what you think - Contact this person again, continue to contact untill you reach outcomes 1 or 3, or they decide they don't like you.
3) You had a great time - Stop what you're doing, contact this person.
There is a 50% chance you may have the following question
Q: Blah Blah I'm a girl blah blah him call me blah blah blah
A: Unless you want to be relegated you making sammiches and pumping out babies, you should consider throwing off some of those social gender roles.
If your a guy, and you went on date that you enjoyed, call her now, problem solved. Its not being needy, its being assertive.
If for some reason you decide to wait for them to call you, and they don't within 2 days here are the likely reasons.
1) They didn't like the date. - Solution: move on
2) They are dating like 5 people right now and your low on the list - Solution: They are a tool, move on
3) They have decided to wait for you to call, creating an infinite loop of fail - Solution: Both tools, you're perfect for each other, but destined never to be.
Post by
gamerunknown
I'll also assume that your goal is a long-term relationship, otherwise I recommend lube and or a prostitute of the opposite sex (or same, whatever floats your boat), it'll save you a headache, and probably money.
What about an inflatable?
Post by
134377
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
I'm marrying such a romantic, huh...
#148 - (Courtesy of Thror)"Have you ever felt like failure was not an option for you? That you can either win or die trying? That you lived for something specific to the point that you absolutely had to accomplish it?"
If anyone else has questions they want, feel free to e-mail them to me. Thror and Jubilee already have.
Post by
Interest
I'm marrying such a romantic, huh...
#148 - (Courtesy of Thror)"Have you ever felt like failure was not an option for you? That you can either win or die trying? That you lived for something specific to the point that you absolutely had to accomplish it?"
If anyone else has questions they want, feel free to e-mail them to me. Thror and Jubilee already have.
Ummmmm...I think I have once, but that was when I cared.
Post by
Rankkor
humm............... dunno if it counts, but surviving Sabaneta was that goal for me. The high degree of violence barbarism and mortality there is high enough that when you get out of there, you either do so as a battle-scarred warrior, or do so in a wooden box. There is no middle ground.
outside of that, I've never had that big a goal that failure would had been that devastating. Sure college was hard, but if I failed I could always try again, its not like there was a time-limit or something.
I suppose I do have a goal like that today: Parenting. This is something I have to win yes or yes. I don't want my kids to repeat my mistakes, or walk the path I've walked (a path that is marked by violence). I want them to live a better life than the one I've had, and I'll be damned if I let anyone (even themselves) ruin their chances at a good future.
There is no room for failure here.
Post by
908216
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
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