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200 Things You Would Not Like To Read In the Patch Notes
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Post by
Dragoonman
My evil patch notes:
We are sorry to say to all World of Warcraft players that we, Blizzard, are now bankrupt due to a sexual scandal involving a hamster and harrasment.
There will be no more patchs, and in 3 days we will shut down.
But hey, good luck on private servers!
Best of luck,
Blizzard
Post by
534868
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Post by
516319
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Post by
566686
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Post by
568056
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Post by
378995
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Post by
Kibbles
Warriors now have their armor increased by 500%, and Protection Warriors have a new 40-point talent that causes Armor to affect Spell Damage as well.
Diminishing Returns have been removed on Fear, and it is now castable on multiple targets. Fear is now instant cast and costs no mana.
Shamen's Totems now are affected by AoE. To ensure that the Shamen remain playable, the cooldowns on Shocks have been removed and their mana cost reduced by 75%.
Druids have a new spell- Remove Debuff. This spell can remove all debuffs. Entangling Roots now swallows the target into the ground, forcing the player to need to defeat a new level 95 elite boss within the roots of a tree. Druids are automatically Exhalted with this new boss, and may use him as a pet.
Huntards can now wield all weapons, and benefit from Intellect, Spirit, and Defense.
Mages have a new 51 point talent in the Arcane tree- Mana Conservation. This talent removes all mana costs by 95% and makes all spells instant cast. Counterspell now lasts for 10 minuites and persists through death.
Priests Shields now deal (10000*5sp) damage when broken.
Paladins now have a new 51 point talent in the Retribution Tree- Crusade. This effect stuns the target for 20 minuites, has no cooldown, persists through death, and is instant cast. It also makes the target lootable for all of their phat lewtz.
Death Knoobs now have a new 20-point talent in the Unholy Tree- Arthas is Watching You. This effect is similar to the buff in the Death Knight starter zone, but with one major change- There is no Internal Cooldown. This means that when Death Knights die, they have an option to reincarnate with full health.
Rogue's Energy has been replaced by a new type of energy- Force. Force works like mana but has a 10% regeneration per second. All old spells will now cost the same amount of Force as they did Energy. Level 80 rogues have 5,000 force unbuffed. Subtlety Rogues now have a 51-point talent that removes the Global Cooldown.
All mats for trade will now be found in Vendors in The Exodar. These vendors are open to all, and are right behind Velen.
Velen has 20 new guards next to him, as we felt that The Exodar was too easy to raid and there were too few people to protect it.
Post by
493392
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Post by
KingdomKnight
We decided that Death Knights were a mistake after all and thus will be removing them next patch. We sincerely apologize to everyone.
Rogues were always meant to be the most powerful class and so will be getting plate,heals, and be able to tame other players as our way of apologizing for DKs.
"Magister's Terrace was merely a setback." Kael'thas Sunstrider will reappear and will be revealed to have been the true mastermind behind the Burning Legion.
Edit:
This would be funny too:
Jaina now gives a de-buff called STD.
Post by
Vaeku
Due to not having anymore siblings left alive, Alexstrasza, Ysera, and Nozdormu have all commited suicide.
I am mad that all the aspects are dying; this would disappoint me most.
All the aspects? Only Malygos has died. And he went insane and wanted to kill everyone.
And Deathwing will probably be killed in Cata. But again, he went insane and wants to kill everyone.
So unless the other three aspects follow suit, I don't think that'll happen anytime soon (Well, I'm not so sure about Ysera and Nozdormu...)
Post by
504191
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Post by
566686
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Post by
Kibbles
Quests:
-All quests have been removed, we have received far too many complaints regarding them.
-All monsters have been removed, we have received too many complaints about them.
-All Achievements have been removed, we have received too many complaints about them.
-Honor and Arena points have been removed due to complaints about them.
-Gold, silver, and copper have been removed because of scamming.
-When you die, you will lose all your items except your 3 most valuable (based on item quality and Blizzard's discretion)
-If you attack another player, your pvp flag will cause you to lose ALL items when you die, and lasts 20 minutes now.
-The graphics have been toned down, they were too good and crashed many of our clients' computers.
-Players can no longer trade in any way, including through the auction house, in order to prevent scamming. Instead, there will be a "Trade Bazaar" where you can post items like an auction house, at prices fixed by Blizzard.
-All trash mobs have been removed, all boss loot is no longer BoP or BoE. In fact, no loot is BoP, or BoE anymore.
-The bosses have been weakened further, but their drops have been too.
-
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NOT RUNESCAPE!
On that note-
all speed modifiers have been removed from the game. You will now have to level four different weapon skills to 450 in order to be classified as level 80. You will only be able to trade 20 silver per day, items also count towards the silver/day rule in item level. All weapons are BoE, and all boss drops are BoE. There are no more 'parties' or 'guilds'. Everything in this game will be soloable. There are NO ways at ALL to get to one place from another except by walking. Your character can now only walk, not run, jump, swim, or fly. You may now pay $15 a month more in order to be able to swim or jump in specific locations. All classes have been removed except for Warrior, Mage, and Hunter. Hunters have lost their pets.
Post by
seebs
In order to be more true to our original vision, we're reverting all changes made since patch 1.2.
Post by
donnymurph
Priest:
The abilities Prayer of Healing, Circle of Healing, Flash Heal and Binding Heal have been removed from the priest's spellbook
Glyph of Flash Heal and Glyph of Circle of Healing will be replaced by Glyph of Empowered Renew, and Glyph of Greater Heal, which will add a HoT effect similar to Glyph of Prayer of Healing.
Holy:
Serendipity, Healing Prayers, Circle of Healing have been removed from the Holy tree. In their place we will be putting
Empowered Improved Renew (activated by putting 3 points in Improved Renew);
Improved Empowered Renew (activated by putting 3 points in Empowered Renew); and
Strengthened Renew
Empowered Healing will be redesigned to increase the spell power co-efficient of Renew instead of Flash Heal
Divine Providence will be redesigned to increase the amount healed by your Empowered Renew and Renew by 6/12/18/24/30%
We believe these changes will make Holy Priests relevant again, and able to keep up with Restoration Druids and Shamans, albeit much less interesting to play.
Alternatively, Holy Priests will have the option to re-spec to Restoration for the fee of 10 000g.
Dungeons and Raids
Bosses will no longer be able to cause damage to anyone except the player with aggro. Instead, all non aggro raid members will take a constant 3000 damage per second in a raid or 1000 damage per second in a heroic dungeon.
TL;DR - completely destroy the Holy tree and just make them a poor version of a resto druid. Doesn't seem too far fetched to me. Just check World of Logs out to see how close we are to this...
Post by
TomatoSauce
If all this was true then subscriptions would drop by 101%
Post by
378995
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
407073
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
barthem
Quests:
-All quests have been removed, we have received far too many complaints regarding them.
-All monsters have been removed, we have received too many complaints about them.
-All Achievements have been removed, we have received too many complaints about them.
-Honor and Arena points have been removed due to complaints about them.
-Gold, silver, and copper have been removed because of scamming.
-When you die, you will lose all your items except your 3 most valuable (based on item quality and Blizzard's discretion)
-If you attack another player, your pvp flag will cause you to lose ALL items when you die, and lasts 20 minutes now.
-The graphics have been toned down, they were too good and crashed many of our clients' computers.
-Players can no longer trade in any way, including through the auction house, in order to prevent scamming. Instead, there will be a "Trade Bazaar" where you can post items like an auction house, at prices fixed by Blizzard.
-All trash mobs have been removed, all boss loot is no longer BoP or BoE. In fact, no loot is BoP, or BoE anymore.
-The bosses have been weakened further, but their drops have been too.
-
this is the reason i left runescape for wow
Post by
307945
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