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Post by
Monday
Heh. 6/10.
Ok, this one is making fun of Mormons, but considering I am Mormon, I find it fair game.
So an LDS man goes to the doctor. "Will I live to 100?" he asks the doctor. The doctor looks at him, and says "Do you smoke?" The reply is no. "Do you drink?" A negative. "Do you fool around with women?" Overwhelming negative. "Then what do you want to live to 100 for?" exclaims the doctor.
Post by
DarkOpeth
7/10
HAH, actually, besides LDS, that works for Islam, Orthodox Judaism and a whole host of conservative branches of religion
Why did the chicken cross the road?
..to get away from dwarf attempting to shove special chicken feed in its mouth. ...fail
Post by
hellshadow
2/10, not sure.
Three people, a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim, go to heaven.
The Christian asks which room to go to, St. Peter says: "Room 11, be quiet past room 6."
The Jew asks the same, St. Peter says "Room 23, be quiet past room 6."
The Muslim asks the same question, St. Peter says "Room 9, be quiet past room 6."
The Muslim says "Thank you, but why be quiet past room 6?"
St. Peter says "The Jehovah's Witnesses are in there, and they think they're the only ones."
Post by
Monday
9/10
1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear
Post by
557473
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
571648
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Dragoonman
5/10
A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell...'
I laughed at both.
Post by
DarkOpeth
LOL! 9/10 and 8/10 respectively.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
Post by
249097
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
DarkOpeth
LOL! 9/10
Q: What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?
A: George W. Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War.
Post by
249097
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
DarkOpeth
YES! (I love blonde jokes.) 8/10
time for a pic link:
http://www.lol.com/joke/show/1958
captcha: Youki Turners. Wtf?
Post by
Aloma
LoL 9/10
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
Post by
630048
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
DarkOpeth
11/10. Epic. There are SO many comments/off-jokes/things I could say. Part of me says people can listen to whatever they want, its their choice to express themselves like that, like i choose metal and expect people to treat that genre with respect.
However, combining screamo with crunk/rap is possibly the worst genre mix ever created, at least IMHO.
Also, +1 internetz to you Freezerburnt/anyone else if you can understand the context of this: bree bree!
Anyways, here is my joke.
Don was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small Brown Bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see a big Black Bear. The Black Bear said, ‘Don, you’ve got two choices, either I maul you to death or we have sex.’ Don decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks Don soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the Black Bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge Grizzly Bear was standing right next to him. The Grizzly said, ‘That was a huge mistake Don. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex.’ Again, Don thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it took several months before Don finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the Grizzly and shot it. He felt the sweet taste of revenge. But then there was a tap on his shoulder. Don turned round to find a giant Polar Bear standing there.
The Polar Bear said, ‘Admit it Don, you don’t really come here for the hunting, do you?’
Post by
160546
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
296147
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
160546
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
DarkOpeth
Oh...Icwutudidthar lol. a solid 6/10.
Question: What do you call the mushy stuff in between a sharks teeth?
Answer: Slow Swimmers
Post by
Monday
Heh. 6/10
So an Irish man, a German guy and a Frenchman are in a bar. The bartender gives each one a glass of whiskey, and a fly lands in each.
The Frenchman pushes away his glass and says "I cannot drink this!"
The German man picks out the fly, throws it away, and drinks the whiskey.
The Irishman grabs the fly and yells "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!"
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